For those of you who don't know, I have a gluten allergy. Gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley and rye, the components of basically all foods, or at least all good foods. I've been eating a gluten free (GF) diet since December and I've never felt better, but as the months pass, I'm starting to realize that I've also never been so depressed about food. I can't eat anything regular, like pancakes, waffles, doughnuts, bread, pasta, tortillas (flour), cake, brownies, cereal, ice cream with brownie or cookie chunks--in essence, everything worth eating. It's been really hard to get used to eating GF bread, pasta, pastries (which taste like cardboard), going out to eat and not being able to order what I really want and settling for a crappy salad (without croutons and asking if the dressing has wheat in it), and giving up my favorite fast food, Taco Bell. IT SUCKS. Additionally, the pregnancy has turned me into a feisty, mean, gluten-craving woman. About a week ago I caved in, knowing well the repercussions, and ate a McDonald's egg mc muffin. AND IT WAS SO GOOD. I actually didn't suffer too much, maybe because I didn't have much gluten in my system yet. But this caving in led to more, like a pesky bad habit that you keep telling yourself you'll change but never do because it is just so dang tasty. Since the egg mc muffin, I've eaten: two more egg mc muffins, the awesome rolls at KFC (with butter and honey), a tres leches cake from Cafe Rio, a burger from the Training Table, sourdough French toast, pancakes, Cafe Rio salad, and yes, my ultimate favorite, a turkey sandwich from The Dodo. And then I got sick. I have to admit that I think it's been kind of worth it. I hadn't eaten my most favorite foods for more than 8 months. Think about giving up your favorite foods. It sounds impossible. It isn't, but by doing so, you also give up a lot of happiness and sanity. Ask Arthur.
Is it crazy for me to be so driven by food? Please, especially now that I'm pregnant???
I'm trying to go back to eliminating it but can't seem to totally commit. I feel so conflicted. I'm writing a whole entry about this to show that this dilemma is constantly on my mind, torturing me. My days, sadly, are totally dictated by my diet and what I do and don't eat. If I eat GF I feel physically good, but very cheated. If I eat gluten foods, I feel physically bad, but so satisfied, fulfilled and happy.
Why do I have this curse?
2 comments:
Hey, Glad to know you are blogging here. Thanks for the invite into your days and thoughts. Congrats on summiting timp. I did not have any idea you were the least bit worried about this hike. It would have been very comforting to Mike and me if we had known we were'nt the only ones worried about it. It turned out that I felt so good and happy on that hike that I felt like I was really indulging! As far as the food indulging well----- are there any long term consequences for eating gluten for you? Or, do you just feel lousy with out any other damage to yourself? If it's just that you feel lousy you should eat gluten whenever you are prepared to face the consequences. If you are doing more serious long term damage to your body then you should probably limit yourself to a gluten binge no more than every eight months.
I had a friend in Ithaca from Guatemala who used to work in a perfume factory there. The perfumed poisoned her body and nealy killed her. She came to the states for treatment and is okay except she is now permenantly allergic to almost everything! All kinds of foods and soaps and perfumes and laundry detergents. She cannot have any processed foods whatsoever and mostly has to stick to totally organic fruits and vegetables---No SUGAr!!
She told me how miserable she was for the first few years of having to live like that. But she finally came to see all the good sides. She really was only putting good stuff into her body she was learning how to cook healthy and really she was just forced to protect herself from stuff that is harmful to everyone--just not to the degree that it is harmful to her. She figured when she had kids she would be able to teach them everything she struggle so hard to learn, especially, how to enjoy cooking and eating really healthy stuff. And all the other things that people would be healthier if they would avoid. My point is that she did come to a peace about it. She said it took a few years, but she got there.
If your little honey wumpus happens to have your intolerance for gluten you will be the one to have to help her find joy in life and in food despite her limitations. If she doesn't have it, you will still have to show her how to take care of her temple body, how to discipline herself not only physically, but mentally as well. It is impossible to teach something you have not learned yourself.
Maybe everyone thinks I go over board with food discipline at my house but I'll have you all know that Smee and I both had cookies for breakfast this morning and since it rained everyone had chocolate milk today dispite the fact that Hugh gave them all chocolate milk yesterday when it didn't rain.
k
Sweet Jasmine. I LOVE the foods you finally eat as soon as you decided to eat glutenous foods. And your dilemma is sad, but not unfamiliar. You sound exactly like everyone who is dieting to lose weight. Same problems exactly, except you at least get to be skinny during the process. haha
Post a Comment